What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
