Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and she was petting her beer can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
