You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
