I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
