Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
