i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My balls are so social today.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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