Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
