You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
