My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize