I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
