I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
