if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
