At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
