you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
