yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
