Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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