I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
tell me about the fingering
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
