mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
