never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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