So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
