Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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