I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
