I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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