grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
