My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
