sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
