so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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