Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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