im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do herpes really smell.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize