And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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