Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
