i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize