marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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