Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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