Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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