Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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