It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
