It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
