Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dick has a subreddit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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