you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
