She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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