he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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