if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize