I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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