Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
