need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
