Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come on in and take your pants off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
