Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
