i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
