All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You made out with two different species that night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
