we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
