she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
