I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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