They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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