I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Randomize
