Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
