he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
