She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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