I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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