loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
