how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
