would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
