y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
