she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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