I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
