the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
