I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
