Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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