I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
