How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
