there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
