I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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