The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
