And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
