U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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