Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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