Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
